Monday, April 6, 2009

Enema Addict Meets Enema Enabler

Kyle Thompson, self made. Stool images and tex...Image via Wikipedia

(Warning: Unless you are a hard-core, hands-on, health professional, you may not want to read this while eating your lunch.)

I was having one of those "theme nights". The patients were providing a veritable potpourri of gastro-intestinal delights. Nausea and vomiting, intractable diarrhea and constipation...

Now constipation is rarely considered an occasion for an emergency home visit, but in this case I was compelled to go. Willard was insisting on getting an enema now and his caregivers at the assisted living facility were not allowed to administer enemas (lucky shits...my apologies, I couldn't resist). It was either take care of the situation or Willard would be making a trip to the hospital. I had to set aside my suspicion that the patient was stereotypically "bowel obsessed" and accept that he was truly in distress.

After purchasing a couple Fleet, disposable enemas at a nearby Walgreen's I made my way on over to Willard's poorly lit, tiny apartment in the assisted living...
You can get a twin-pak of these for less than 3 bucks! Who knew?

Well, the results from the procedure were truly disappointing. My puppy has produced far more impressive turdage. However, Willard was happy and that's all I needed to know. I helped him with the post-enema clean-up and went into his bathroom to wash my hands and leave the spare Fleet enema there for future emergencies. That's when I first took a good look at my surroundings...

The bathroom shelves and cupboards were filled with disposable enemas! When I returned to the living area, I then noticed that every shelf and bookcase in the room was bursting with boxes of enemas. Oh my God! Willard is enema dependent and I'm an enema enabler! Fine, Willard... I'm taking my extra Fleet enema home with me. That'll show you!

Two days later, Willard called "911" for "intolerable constipation". Poor fellow...

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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm a fellow hospice nurse, and I know you know that I know exactly what you deal with!

Nothing is grosser than the pt who loves the 'digital assist'!

You write my life, well.

Saluations!

Kit Courteney said...

My life is so dull in comparison.

Thank goodness.

:0o

RehabNurse said...

Oh.My.God.

You describe some of our people...the infamously bowel obsessed rehab patients.

Doesn't matter if they're post-op or many years post-injury, the bowel obsessed will drive you crazy.

Amen! Glad you got your extra Fleet's back...sounds like you could have taken another for the road and he'd have been none the wiser (and saved yours for someone who needed it!).

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Gail Rae said...

This is hilarious! I'm familiar with that chart, by the way...although my mother rarely needed enemas and wasn't prone to wanting one, I have to admit to being a bit turd obsessed with her, mainly because after each movement I had to decide whether to let it flush or go after it.
Sorry my Mom's gone, but glad those days are over!!!